He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
