I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
