I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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