I bet he comes in French.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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