I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
