I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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