She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
