Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
