I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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