i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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