Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
