the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
