New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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