I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Vodka?
Forever.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
