I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
