I can text with my tongue
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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