the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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