High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
