My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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