hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
