oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
