Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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