and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
