I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
