I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
