Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
