One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
