I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
