Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
