i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
