Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
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So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
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He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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