since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
