He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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