Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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