Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
