we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
