he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
