Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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