I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
