The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
