lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
