Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize