I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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