wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
