It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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