we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
