pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
