I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
