some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
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He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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