in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize