i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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