Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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