Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
