on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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