every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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