I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
