In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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