Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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