I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
