i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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