and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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