Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
