I want to have your abortion
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
