its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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