why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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