I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
