i jhust puked up my retainher.
I cannot find my penis.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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