If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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