I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
