he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
