She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
